Blogging Around: Anya and Cormac

              My first response was to Anya’s Dialects: “Fate and Control”, where she talked about the different reasons people choose to believe in fate.  She also discussed which one seemed more powerful. In the end, she came to the conclusion that there is a little bit of both involved in determining the future, and that she believes neither one is completely the answer.

Anya!

                This was a really interesting post. While looking around I didn’t see this topic covered in anyone else’s blog, and it drew me in right away. The Matrix gave everyone a lot of different ideas to explore, but the two you chose to compare seemed especially compelling to me.

               The part where you described your grandmother and father’s different reasoning for their beliefs was especially fascinating to me. I think everyone’s wondered about fate at least once in their lives. Like you, I know several people who have decided that they like the idea of fate. Their reasoning is that they like the idea that they aren’t completely responsible for their actions, and that the fact that everything is already planned out makes them feel more at ease. I also know people, who disagree with the idea of fate, which they claim is just a superstitious way to avoid responsibility.

               Personally, I think I agree more with you. There seems to be a little bit of a mix between the two. Logically, I can support this by saying that even if there is no such thing as fate, there are things that we cannot avoid due to the fact that certain events are to results of hundreds of different and miniscule actions over long periods of time that we cannot possibility keep track of.

Thanks for the post!

              My second response was to Cormac’s “Change of Mind: Once” where he discussed the disconnect between his former ideas of true love and the love portrayed in the movie Once.

Cormac!

               Nice post, I really liked reading it. I had a lot of the same thoughts while watching the movie actually.

                To be honest, I’ve always been a believer in the idea of true love. Like you, I always imagined a kind of love that lasted forever, and that involved two people that were absolutely perfect for each other. Then, like you, as I grew up, I began to see beyond the Disney portrayals of love. In the real world, love failed a lot more times than it succeeded, and I didn’t see very many examples of a true-and-perfect love.

  

              Once showed me the alternative to what I used to think was the only “true” form of love. It showed people who were content to be around each other, even though they didn’t have a very physical relationship and didn’t end up together in the end. At first I was upset (like you), but then I realized that this is actually a much more realistic version of love, and although it couldn’t compare to my former idealistic version I could definitely see the beauty in this sort of relationship.

               I still believe in true love, but I’ve realized that it’s incredibly rare to see it in real life. So in the mean time, I’ll keep my mind more open to other, more likely version of love. Thanks for the post!

Dialects: Adversity and Prosperity

              If you asked someone what their idea of a happy life would be, a lot of people would say it would be one without hardships. A life without obstacles, without pain, and without suffering sounds perfect; some may even say it’s the ideal life. However, what of the value of struggle? Of triumph in the face of catastrophe? The Matrix sets the stage for a fascinating dialogue between adversity and prosperity, and allows for further exploration into the relationship between these two concepts.

                The purpose of the actual Matrix is this: to create a false world in which humans can thrive in order to allow the machines ruling the actual planet to absorb energy from the humans. Humans are kept fed and content, and in a roundabout way they are shielded from the harsh reality of the destroyed world surrounding their physical bodies. It isn’t out of the question that if the people within the Matrix knew of the condition of the real world, they would choose to stay within the Matrix rather than escape to the outside world and try to rebuild their society from scratch. It would be so much easier to just accept the peaceful Matrix rather than fight a David vs Goliath rebellion against the machines. In fact, there was one character that actually did this: Cipher.

                Cipher was taken out of the Matrix by Morpheus, and spent a while fighting for the human cause against the machines. He experienced both the Matrix and the outside world, and eventually chose to re-enter the Matrix and wipe his memory of any semblance of the real world.  His reasoning? He decided he’d rather return to the Matrix and be live a life full of virtual rewards that the machines would give him, rather than struggle to fight for his own race any longer.  Why would he want to struggle so much in the harsh real world if he didn’t have to? Clearly he sided with a life of prosperity; a life free from the hardship of staging a revolution, living in rags, and eating gruel. Instead, he chose juicy steaks, wealth, and celebrity.

                However, there are others in the Matrix who chose the other path: to take on adversity and the unique rewards it brings. Morpheus, Trinity, and Neo all chose to escape from the Matrix and fight with the rebelling humans. They chose the fight, the rags, and the gruel over all the privileges of living in the Matrix. Why would they do this? Perhaps there is more to human nature than just seeking peace and contentedness. The ones who left the Matrix did so to fight for their cause, with the intention of overcoming the ruling machines. The main benefit of struggle is that it often times leads to victory, success, and triumph; a peaceful, prosperous life doesn’t offer the same.

               One of the best pieces of evidence for this idea is that when the machines first designed the Matrix, they designed what they thought was humanity’s ideal world: one without struggle and hardship. They were surprised to find that the humans were still unhappy, and that they rejected the highly prosperous world. This serves to show that humans actually need hardship in order to be happy, and not that a perfect life is not one without adversity.

              In the end there is no single winner in this debate; neither prosperity nor adversity is enough for any human being. Different characters in the Matrix chose different paths, but both had aspects of hardship and prosperity within them.  Within the Matrix there are still daily struggles like paying bills, and outside there is the camaraderie of your fellow rebels. A life with no struggle is not a life at all, but without a little prosperity involved, people would be too downtrodden and miserable to live. In this way, the two concepts are inextricably connected. Perhaps though, by discussing the two in terms of each other like this, we can come to a better understand of the delicate balance between them.

Metacognition: Jane Eyre Mash Up

            I wasn’t looking forward to this project.

            Admittedly, after reading the instructional page about the definition of a “mash-up”, I just wasn’t impressed. It was this vague concept that I didn’t understand and that I’d never heard of before. All I knew is that it seemed like a very complicated and time-consuming endeavor, and that I wasn’t excited to create one at all. What would I have gained after it was over? Even after it was fully explained to me and I was exposed to few example mash-ups I remained skeptical of its usefulness.

            Remember doing those cut-up magazine picture collages in kindergarten? Mash-ups are like the grown up version of that; except with less pictures and much more writing. Organized around a central theme, the goal is to pull different “elements” from as many different sources and influences as possible, before finally arranging them together so they flow like they were created by the same consciousness. Our assignment was to create one of these mash-ups focused around a concept in Jane Eyre; so my partner and I chose to investigate emotional and rational love. All my life I had been fully convinced that true love has nothing to do with rationality or reason. My opinion was that love is supposed to be senseless, because that’s what makes it so powerful. The idea of a rational type of love held no bearing with me, I would never fall in love based on logic, but it did present and interesting idea to explore.

            My partner and I were required to use at least eleven sources from within Jane Eyre to connect to our concepts. At first, I thought this was going to be a burdensome ordeal, and that any useful passages would be imprecise or difficult to connect to our concept; especially since working as a duo meant we needed even more evidence from within Jane Eyre than a single person would need. My partner was thought that we would find a lot of interesting ideas about the value of logical love; but I remained unconvinced. I thought it was a cute idea to find parts of Jane Eyre that talked about her love for different people, but I was by no means expecting to be influenced by it. This was a fictional story, not a scientific study or a testimonial, so how could it possibly convince me to change my mind about logical love? However, it wasn’t long before the pieces began to fall together.

            It was easy to find sections of Jane Eyre that related to rational and ones that related to logical love; in fact it wasn’t that hard to find passages that referred to BOTH. It was this observation that enlightened me to the possibility that rational and emotional love acted together, instead of as opposing forces. This was a revolutionary idea to me, as I had always been a believer in passionate true love that had nothing to do with logic. I went from being 100% convinced that love was irrational to actually seeing what a huge amount of influence logic had on even the most passionate of loves. I was surprised how easily I accepted this new revelation; and looking back, I think it’s because the mash-up was the perfect platform to provide the evidence that convinced me.

            Not only was I being shown the connection of logic and emotion through Jane Eyre, but I was also scouring the internet looking for more real-life connections, which were plentiful and convincing. For example, I found a picture of a mother tiger raising baby piglets. My initial thought was that this perfectly illustrated how irrational love was; how could a bloodthirsty, predatory tigress have motherly love for a defenseless piglet? However, upon further research, I discovered that the reason the mother tiger even had a chance to feel love for the piglets was because the piglets’ real mother had died and the zoo needed a replacement to raise the piglets. The mother tiger was actually fulfilling a very rational and necessary role in this situation as a mother to orphaned piglets. The real-life connection of logical and emotional loves had me stunned.

           At the end of this project, I realized that I have a critical flaw that I haven’t realized: I am stubborn. This was a surprise to me: I’ve never considered myself a stubborn person. I'm usually able to put my own convictions aside to look at things with an open mind, but I realize this is only when I am actively attempting to do so. When someone tells me to keep and open mind about an idea, I can usually do it; but what about all the times I never thought to do so? I've never considered that without thinking about it, I've developed and maintained certain stubborn viewpoints, but it can’t be denied that I went into this project fully convinced of logical love’s unimportance and left the project feeling the opposite. Not only that, but thinking back to it, before I even started the project I had been convinced that a mash-up was a confusing and useless assignment. I can guarantee now that I feel the exact opposite. This mash-up took me through an incredible thought process that managed to shift my convictions about one of the most important concepts on Earth: love. Next time I’ll remember this and how little I actually know about even the most important things around me, and I won’t need so much convincing next time to keep my mind open to controversial ideas.

A Midsummer Nights Dream: Thoughts

            Never in a million years would I have ever believed that a Shakespearean play would be able make me laugh. It’s not easy to amuse me, and I don’t laugh unless I’m genuinely amused by something. Usually, it takes something pretty witty, clever, and well delivered to  make me relinquish even a giggle.  

            My favorite kind of humor is the kind that’s relatable or extremely relevant. I’m always impressed by people who can observe what’s going on around them, and point out the things that everyone can connect with. My favorite comedians and entertainers are always able to point out experiences or moments around them that people don’t even notice day-to-day, like how everyone mumbles 90% of the lyrics to the “Ayyy Macarena” song, or how headphone cords always manage to tie themselves into the most complicated knots ever conceived as soon as you put them down. Otherwise, they comment on what’s current. Jokes about relevant celebrities or top news stories usually manage to get a laugh out of me.

            That’s why I had a hard time believing it when I started to chuckle in the middle of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream was told it was a comedy, I was unconvinced. Honestly, it just went against everything I believed in terms of comedy. How could I, who just explained how much I like relevant and relatable humor, possibly enjoy a play written in the 1500’s? What did Shakespeare have to say that was even remotely relevant to my life? Surprisingly, a lot.

            This play didn’t discuss current events or a shared experience (I’ve never been part of a love triangle), but kept my interest in a way that I can only explain by crediting the actors and directors of the play. This definitely wasn’t the play that Shakespeare originally had in mind; with the play troop dressed in a wardrobe from the 1920’s, and the fairies dressed in bright, tribal looking attire, the theme of the play was shifted. However, the script was not changed, and I believe the play captured the same essence that Shakespeare intended, which is thanks to the actors. If I had witnessed this play performed in the 1500’s by the first performers, I doubt I would have laughed nearly as hard as I had watching the one I did. Without altering the script, these actors and actresses managed to make a century’s old play feel familiar and current.

            The actor who gave a short introduction to the play beforehand advised the audience to pay close attention to the performers’ body language and facial expressions if we were ever confused by the dialogue. He was right; something about their facial expressions, their timing, and their delivery communicated Shakespeare’s message and intentions to me so clearly that it was almost like I had been transported to through time and learned to speak the language of Shakespeare. The words that usually confused me suddenly sounded like plain English and I was enjoying this play like I would a modern day performance, and actually maybe more so.  I’ll never doubt a Shakespeare play again, nor will I underestimate the value of talented and passionate performers. 

Metacognition: Short Story Process

For me, the process of writing a short story didn’t come as easily to me this time as it used to. The entirety of my eighth grade year English class was spent composing short stories, and I remember it as being the most free-flowing, enjoyable writing I had done up until that point. Short stories allowed for so much more freedom of style, topic, and setting that I had been denied in previous years of English, and I relished every second I spent writing them. However, it’s been two years, and writing a short story now was not nearly as simple.

           

Not to say that writing this short story was an arduous, burdensome task, but the writing didn’t come to me as easily as I remember it used to. I spent a lot more time planning this story out; a lot more time shooting down ideas rather than acting on them.  I attribute this to all the research that I had to do before writing this story, as well as everything I learned about what makes a good short story. There were so many more things to consider this time; it wasn’t just as easy as writing down the first idea that came to my head. The struggle was frustrating to me at first, and overcoming it wasn’t easy.

           

I shot down quite a few possibilities, until I finally arrived at something I thought was at least worth exploring. I picked a character, named Jim, and a setting, urban Chicago, and started off with a story fragment. It wasn’t perfect at this point, but I thought that later phases of writing would give me more time to deepen the story.

           

Next I expanded on this fragment. Then I did it again. Each time I discovered a little more about my character and my story, like how my character didn’t like living in the city at all, why he was forced to move there, and if he had any loved ones.  For a while, I was content to let the pieces unfold themselves as I just kept writing, hoping that the story would pull itself together.

           

Unfortunately, after a while, I realized that I was being fooled. What I had thought was a strong story idea was really leading me on and not going anywhere significant. Maybe if I had time to write a novel I would have discovered the importance on this story, but it just wasn’t going to be my best short story.

           

Thankfully, if there’s anything my English class has taught me, it’s how to start from the beginning again without beating myself over the head for doing it. I know how to go back to the drawing board in order to do things the right way. This is something that I find incredibly valuable now, and I’m so glad I learned how to do it. However, I again had trouble thinking of a premise for my story.  What I had to realize was that going back to the drawing board doesn’t mean starting over; there were things in my old story that I liked, so I carried them over to my new story.

           

I kept my main character (we had bonded over the last few weeks and it seemed rude to let him go), but I ditched my setting. Some creative part of my came up with the idea of using a call center to stage my story, which turned out to be a very interesting thing to write about.

           

In the end, I found a way to start over without losing the parts of my work that I liked. I got to develop my character more, and actually put him in a setting that turned out to be far more suited to his personality. Going back through my eighth grade short stories, I couldn’t help but notice how amateurish they were. I found them to be lacking way too many of the things I had learned should be included in a short story.  This just shows that my writing is improving because I am keeping my mind open; something I would like to continue. Writing this story may not have been as easy as eighth grade, but it was certainly more interesting, and I ended up with a much greater story in the end.

                

Change of Mind: Gym Class Feminists

             Before a few days ago, the feminist movement an artifact of the distant past that didn't really impact my life very much at all . Sure, I’d heard about the women who struggled for women’s suffrage, but as someone who’s still too young to vote, that fact didn’t really leave an impact on me. To be honest, I had genuinely thought that without feminists, I would still have all the rights I have today. I mean, isn’t it common sense that women should be able to vote? Wouldn’t people have eventually come to the rational conclusion themselves? I was completely ignorant about how unequivocally crucial feminist struggles had been to everything about how I live today.  

           

            In a class discussion that blossomed out of themes in the novel Jane Eyre , it was brought to light what my classmates and teachers attitudes about feminism actually were. Let me preface this by saying that it was a rare experience for me; feminism isn’t exactly the trendiest, most current issue right now, and I’ve never really discussed it in depth before.

            

           It soon became clear that a lot of people had differing attitudes about the topic of feminism. Some called out the feminist hypocrites who demanded equal rights for women while at the same time expecting preferential treatment by men.  Others pointed out how much feminists had actually accomplished, and how little thought people give those accomplishments today. All of this information was interesting to me, but it still failed to leave a lasting impact.

           

           Finally, my English teacher chimed in. He revealed to us his first hand experiences with feminist ideals, like how he had to watch his own mother struggle to even be allowed to work and do something interesting with her life. Afterwards, he declared himself proud to be a feminist. It wasn’t a viewpoint I’m normally exposed to; not a lot of the adults around me have a lot to say about feminism. Actually, perhaps it’s because I’ve never asked? Either way, this was something that reached me. If my English teacher, who isn’t even a woman, could feel so passionately about this cause, where was my appreciation for these revolutionary feminists?

           

            By then end of class, I had developed a genuine appreciation for feminism, but would not go so far as to call myself a “feminist”.  The actual catalyst for my complete change of heart came in the form of my track coach, Karyn Weber.

            

           Apparently the topic of my day was feminism, as it just happened to be brought up at track practice, and Weber had a lot to say. Her thoughts on the subject stemmed mostly from the frustration she had over female student’s complaints about running in gym. Running laps to her was a blessing, not a punishment. She told us all about how not too long ago; girls weren't even allowed to PARTICIPATE in gym. She herself had struggled to be allowed to play all the sports and run all the marathons that literally define her today. 

This struck me; hard.

           

            Sure, I’d known about how feminists before me had struggled for suffrage, but I’d never heard about the ones who had struggled for gym class. As an athlete, I cannot even imagine the possibility of not being allowed to play sports. PLaying sports has become a crucial part of my personality, and without realizing it, I’ve taken the opportunity to do so completely for granted.

           

             It’s official; I’m a feminist now. No, not the kind to go out and protest in the streets, but at least one that understands and appreciates all the struggles of women before me that now allow me the completely, unquestionable freedom to do things like go to university, play sports, and vote.  Never again will I take for granted, or underestimate the efforts of the revolutionary men and women who fought so hard for my rights today.

An Inconvenient Truth: Education and Evil

           What is the point of an education system; not just in the United States, but worldwide? Most people would answer that it’s to make intelligent, enlightened, insightful, and just all around better human beings. The optimal result, the perfect specimen of a fully educated person, is a genius who applies their knowledge and skills towards something that benefits the entire human race, of course. So what happens when that genius, that perfect product of a complex and time-tested education system, decides to do the opposite? What does it mean when the well-educated prodigy uses his skills to inflict pain on the human race instead of helping it? What do we do when our education system creates a monster?

            

             To help shed light on this enigma, it helps to study some examples. In Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, we are introduced to Kurtz, the talented genius who set off into Africa with the intention of civilizing the poor, helpless savages.  At first he seems like the ideal product of the educational system: a highly intelligent, talented human being who wants nothing more than to aid his fellow (albeit distant and less fortunate) human beings in Africa. However, it is soon revealed that Kurtz actually succumbed to the darkness in the Congo and ended up killing many of the “savages” that he set out to help in the first place. Kurtz eventually did things like cut off the heads of "rebel" Africans, displaying them spiked atop poles in front of his hut; needless to say, it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that this well-educated, talented man could end up committing such horrific atrocities in the Congo.

            

               However, outside of Heart of Darkness there are more (real life) examples of this kind of occurrence. Adolf Hitler was an intelligent product of the German education system. However, he used his intelligence not to aid the human race, but to cause one of the most horrific atrocities in human history. Hitler turned out to be one the most terrifying monsters ever created, even though he was among some of the best educated in Germany.

           

              The sad, terrifying truth is this: educating people doesn’t automatically make them good or altruistic. Although everyone would like to think that the most educated people in the world want to benefit the human race, this is not always the case. Some of the most abominable acts of cruelty in history have been inflicted by perfectly well-educated human beings.

In fact, it could be argued that because these monsters were well-educated, they were even more dangerous. As horrible as it is to think about: Hitler was smart. He had to have been highly, highly intelligent to have attained as much power, convinced as many people, and inflicted as much damage as he did during the Holocaust. The same applies to Kurtz; a stupider person would not have been able to attain such a position of power over the native Africans like he did. Looking at it this way, not only does the education system not guarantee more altruistic or better people, it has the potential to make monsters even more terrible and dangerous

As a student, this truth petrifies me. I am being molded by the education system into what I would hope is a better human being than what I started as. I work hard in school to make myself more intelligent with the goal of doing whatever I can to benefit the people around me and around the world if I am able. The idea that some of the worst criminals in history went through some of the same things I have done in the education system is alarming, and it makes me wonder what will happen to me when I finally emerge on the other end of this educational journey. How can I deal with the idea that even though I am working hard to better myself, it doesn’t automatically mean I will be a better person? Or that people being educated around me might turn out to be monsters?

The only way to confront this fear is to realize that while the education system does not guarantee better people, it also does not guarantee monsters.  The goal of the education system is still to mold students into better human beings, and even though it doesn’t always do this, most of the people who make it though the education system are better because of the journey. I shouldn’t be afraid to work hard to better myself through education or be afraid that anyone that I know will end up being the one in a billion well-educated people that end up committing acts of cruelty. All I can do right now, educationally, is my best, and hopefully that will allow me to become my best as a human being. 

Blogging Around: Similar Struggles

The two posts I read for this assignment were Hannah’s Semester One: A Perfectionist Can’t Be a Great Writer and Cormac’s New Beginnings. I was surprised to see that both of them had struggled with almost exactly the same obstacles this semester as I had. It was enlightening to see how they both had gone about overcoming these setbacks, because we had done and realized a lot of the same things in the process.

 Hannah’s original post was for the Metacognition prompt and discussed how she had struggled with her perfectionist tendencies which interfered with her ability to write at her full potential. It talked about how she had eventually realized that her perfectionism was counter-productive and even touched a bit on how she had learned to let go of ideas in order to move forward with her learning.

Hannah:

                I’m glad I’m not the only one who had to deal with managing her perfectionism this semester. Just like you, I had a lot of trouble (especially at the beginning of the year) with writing assignments because I was afraid to type a single word that wasn’t immediately and exactly what I wanted to say.  I would start to edit my own work before it had even left my brain, and what I was left with was a fragmented, disjointed, and badly-written assignment, which only continued to agitate the perfectionist side of me. It was a frustrating and exhausting way to go about writing.

 It took me a while to reach the same realization you did: that I needed to put all of my thoughts out there before I even started to think about picking out the perfect words and phrases. Writing first and refining later did not come easily at all, but when I finally reached a point where I could do this my writing improved dramatically, as did my outlook on writing. I’ve found that this strategy is highly applicable to subjects besides English as well; starting a math problem is much easier for me if I’m not immediately afraid to take a chance and experiment a little with the equations. Since I’m not afraid of temporary imperfection, I can allow myself to investigate ideas and explore possibilities a little more in my work; and it’s a very free feeling. I’m glad we were both able to reach this point this year!

               Cormac’s original post was about how he had learned to let go of ideas that were important to him, and how doing that had allowed him to move forward in his work and his learning. He brought up writing the poem as an example of how his initial struggle with letting go had held him back, which is actually very similar to my own experience.

Cormac:

                I was surprised to see that your reflection on first semester was actually really similar to my own. This semester also taught me how to let go of initial ideas in order to reach more developed and interesting ones.

                

             Like you, I had a huge struggle with this lesson at first.  I was turning in work that was acceptable, but nothing I was truly proud of. I was getting fairly good grades in return for my work, but it was an unsatisfying way to go about writing for me. One of my biggest turning points, which I can see you struggled with as well, was when we had to write poems for English. I am not a poet and my poetry skills leave a lot to be desired, so right from the get-go I wasn’t expecting anything amazing, but it turned out to be even harder than I expected. Not only could I not write anything good, I was having trouble coming up with ideas to write about at all. I had come up with an idea I was happy with, and spent days trying to develop it and pursue it further. Eventually, I had put myself into such a rut that I didn’t even want to finish the poem anymore, even if I did like my idea. I had been trying to push through the brick wall at the end of a cognitive alley, and I couldn’t get myself to turn around because it felt like starting over.  It was very difficult for me to start backing away from my idea; to start letting go of content that I had worked hard on. However, this is eventually the only thing that allowed me to reach the final draft of my poem, which while still not perfect is greatly improved and greatly altered in comparison to my original.

               

                 I didn’t think other people would have had the same problem as I had, and I’m glad that I’m not the only one who struggled with this idea. Thanks for the post!

Learning to Let Go

                To me, this semester has been an exercise in open-mindedness. Many of the convictions I’ve held for years have been completely dissolved by my English class in only two quarters. Initially, I struggled with it; I had a hard time giving up all the beliefs and habits I had held unto for years in which made it difficult for me to hear new ones. However, over the course of the semester I’ve developed a lot as a student and figured out how to absorb and accept a lot more ideas than I could before.

                 

                At the beginning of the year I was convinced that I already knew how to read and write. I had been doing it for some years already and felt like I pretty much knew the most important things any English student needed to know; all I was lacking was more experience.  I walked into English on the first day of class expecting to read and write and gain this experience, but couldn’t see myself learning anything groundbreaking. My prior English classes had all been pretty similar: a lot of writing and reading and practice but not a lot of change. Books were interesting but similar, and teachers expected the same sort of writing. Imagine my surprise when the first book of the year was Orlando.

                 

               Orlando was unlike any book I had ever read in an English class. It stood out in subject, style, as well as level of difficulty. Orlando was abstract; its ideas weren’t all laid out on the counter for me, in fact they weren’t anywhere near the counter. These ideas were hidden behind the cupboards and doors and under the sinks. Nothing was straightforward about Orlando’s story; not his time period, not his views, and certainly not his gender. As a reader I had never encountered ideas or writing this ambiguous before, and at first I rejected it.

               

              Things got even tougher for me when we had our first writing assignment about Orlando. I decided to write an essay about how ambiguity was used in the story to help myself gain a better understanding of it; and it didn’t go smoothly at first. My thesis became something along the lines of “By creating a sense of ambiguity in her novel, Orlando, Virginia Woolfe adds depth to the story”, and to be honest I didn’t totally buy into this idea myself yet. I wasn’t prepared to accept that something that made writing harder for me to understand was making the writing better.

                 

                 However, at some point writing the essay, I started to gain an understanding of the story and saw how initially not understanding because of the ambiguity really had allowed me to grasp deeper ideas; I just had to work for it a little. The ideas and depth I managed to find in a book I had initially rejected set the stage for the rest of the semester; I needed to keep an open mind or English class this year was going to be a struggle.

                 

                I’ve seen a visible change in myself and the way I think this semester. In our most recent project where we were asked to write poems, we learned how important it is to let go of your initial ideas in order to move forward in your writing and find more depth. When crafting my poem, I found myself believing wholeheartedly in this idea, and I began to let go of writing and ideas in my own work that not so long ago I would have been kicking and screaming about losing. It surprised me that I was able to do this.

                

                 I’ve learned how to let go of old ideas in exchange for new ones much more easily than before, and so far I haven’t been disappointed with the results. I genuinely think I have developed my way of thinking this semester much more than any semester before it, and I’m excited to see what comes next. Something I need to work on though is not just accepting new ideas but learning how to develop them into my work. I see the value of conciseness but I definitely have a ways to go as far as writing more concisely. I see the need to let go of early stages of writing to move forward, but it’s still not always easy. I can see myself gaining a lot as I learn to fully embrace these ideas and any more new ones that come my way.